Fear not the attacks of those who hate the one true religion. God will surely judge those who hate his people. Already his wrath is seen against the occupying army. Truly, I say, at the culmination of all things, God’s wrath will spill. They shall go on as they always have: killing each other and making merry. When God makes himself known to them, they shall flee. As they run to the mountains for protection, the mountains shall arise and they themselves shall flee. Then, the moon will turn brown.

As the fools flee from God to the mountains, God will take two mountains and push them together over the fools into the ground to leave them there for all of an eternity.

The world will have been divided into two camps: those who follow God and those who continue in their rebellion of ignorance and error. The camps will consist of five kingdoms each. Ten, being a perfect number (after the number of toes Jesus had) shall signify the perfection of the world that will itself usher in the end. The perfection having been attained, destruction is to follow.

God shall lead the attack against those who hate him. Triumphantly shall he resound “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ,ha! Sorry, Suckas! God will not be alone in his attack, however, for the seven angels will join him. They shall fly around the world using their jet packs lobbing the seven plagues—that consist of, but are not limited to (void where prohibited) black plague and cyanide—at the people who are in rebellion. As they lob their vials of death, they shall announce one last chance to repent and join the one true religion before they are eternally damned to hell, a submergely, mountainous hell.

Take hope in those days, my friends, for I, Fletcher, shall myself take up flight with the angels as we deliver our message of hope. Wait in anticipation for these days. My compassion for you is great, my friends. Continue in the faith. Do not forsake your weekly meetings at the 7-11s. Continue to forsake firefighters and Father O’Reilly. Pray for the Militia.


This ends the Apocalypse of Fletcher.